long time no write..

ugh.. the wagon... off, on. off, on etc etc... this past month or so has been just a roller coaster... with me losing focus and becoming complacent in the whole weight loss journey, well no more!

to start with i fell when skating and bruised my tailbone, which took me off skates for three weeks, which sucked and limited my movement quite dramatically.. but i have to say i'm happily back in skates and feeling the burn, the enjoyment and the exercise!

a new month, it's June now.... a new me... and a motivated me!

wish me luck

xx

new week... new start

ugh... have fallen off the tracking wagon and although i haven't been set back completed i'm not really seeing results because i'm not really following the program... and as my leader said this evening if you're sort of doing it... you'll sort of lose weight... which is what i'm doing... still losing but not enough and tracking HAS to be a part of that... well also not doing as much exercise as i was because i hurt my butt falling backwards at skating... =(

so although i'm loving skating SO much... i can't at the moment until my butt gets better as i really don't want to hurt it more... ugh... so this week my goal is to track properly... take control again rather than the floppy nonsense that i've let myself go along with... grrr... take control!

it's working out!

so the whole perseverence thing with skating has finally started to pay off... went for an afternoon session with my mates and i'm finally finding my skate feet... i zoomed, i glided.... and man did it feel good! i improved 100% over the 90 minute period and i worked hard... gotta love a bit of sweat! finally my derby dream is looking less imaginary and more probable!

now to get the whole food tracking back on... oopsie... ugh and school goes back tomorrow (for hubbi!, not for me.. hehe Tuesday for me).... gah! where did the last two weeks go?

xx

goal this week

looking back i know i was a bit of a bad girl... yes i did stick to my points, but there were WAY too many treat type foods in there... too much full strength coke... too many mini chocolates... ugh!!

so with easter coming up... this is going to be tricky...

but my goal this week is to have:-

 NO full strength coke... if i really need some go the zero or diet vanilla!

AND

limit of TWO small chocolate eggs during the whole easter period...

hopefully this will prove resourceful!

wish me luck!

;)

well poop

so i've maintained the same weight for two weeks in a row... grrr... it's not a gain which is good, and i know that, but damn! this week i did heaps more exercise than i had previously, and man do i feel it! i know this happens, and this is where i find my feet... push through it and keep going... i KNOW muscle weighs more than fat, and with what i've been doing my muscles are definitely getting a work out... so i'm looking at it that way... i haven't tracked measurements, but maybe i should start?

i'm definitely not giving up, heck no, but i'm just frustrated and venting my frustration here.. =)

on a positive note, went skating this arvo and am finally finding my skate feet... got away from the stompy kind of skating that i had been doing and actually felt myself gliding... my skates worked, i worked, everything just worked together! so very happy... every time i'm skating i'm getting better.. what out world, i'll be kicking it with some awesome derby moves soon... ;)

xx

egads what happened?

well had derby training last night... and lets just say it wasn't pretty... as in me... i sucked... even harder than i did the week before!! how is that possible? ugh... i don't know if i was just in an emotional state of mind or what the issue was but i just felt bleh... the whole night... i had no confidence in me and my skating was worse than before... =( pooh... i'm not giving up... i'm adamant that i'm going to be able to skate again but it just frustrates me that in my old age (lol) i've lost my youthful carefree nature (if i ever had that.. hmmm...?)

i'm still keen as mustard to keep going to training and keep getting better.. and i know if i quit now i'm going to feel really crap about the whole thing... i'm hoping to get a general skate in on Sunday afternoon, even though it's school holidays... i'm hoping that without the pressure of other Derby girls around whizzing by me i'll ease up on myself... even though i 'train' on freshie night it's still hard being the suckiest of them all.... hence the want to get my skate feet on and find my confidence again...

got a lovely message from one of the higher upper derby dolls and she was great... very supportive and keen for me not to give up... that helped... sometimes you just need that push from the outside...

am really not sure how i went this week... my WW motivation seemed to have flittered out the window... double pooh though, i was SO close to my 10kgs lost..... we'll see though, WI tomorrow... meh... if it's a bad week so what... this is a lifestyle change and will take some getting used to... i'm getting there.. slowly but surely.. (much like my skating.. hehe)

ugh bad week... bad choices...

i'm not really sure what my problem has been this week... but as much as i'm trying i'm making some pretty shocking choices at the moment... ugh... not sure why... i AM counting points and everything is accounted for... i am using my exercise points to make up for it all but i'm struggling with the balance at the moment... it's crazy because i've been on SUCH a good roll and i don't want to jinx myself of sabotage myself but i feel myself doing exactly that slowly... ugh... tomorrow IS a new day and it will be good...

i think one of my problems is (and i'm not sure if i've posted this previously or not) but i've been overweight for so long and i'm so used to it that i don't know how to be successful at losing weight... once i get into the 120's it's going to be the smallest i've been in years... and that's sad... i WANT to be healthy and wear 'normal' clothes i just have to change my mindset from negative 'can't' to positive, each day at a time... i don't want a quick fix... i want a new lifestyle i just need to remind myself and my mind of that sometimes...

as a side note though... had a cold rock ice creamery date with a friend of mine this afternoon and whilst the ice cream was devine and COMPLETELY expensive (points wise) it was worth it and i enjoyed it and have counted it all in my daily allowance... WW is working for me but somehow i feel like because i can have treats every now and then that it should be ruining my results... i keep having to remind myself that the point of WW isn't deprivation but moderation....

and slowly... i'm turning myself around...

phew.. vent over! thanks.. ;)