egads what happened?

well had derby training last night... and lets just say it wasn't pretty... as in me... i sucked... even harder than i did the week before!! how is that possible? ugh... i don't know if i was just in an emotional state of mind or what the issue was but i just felt bleh... the whole night... i had no confidence in me and my skating was worse than before... =( pooh... i'm not giving up... i'm adamant that i'm going to be able to skate again but it just frustrates me that in my old age (lol) i've lost my youthful carefree nature (if i ever had that.. hmmm...?)

i'm still keen as mustard to keep going to training and keep getting better.. and i know if i quit now i'm going to feel really crap about the whole thing... i'm hoping to get a general skate in on Sunday afternoon, even though it's school holidays... i'm hoping that without the pressure of other Derby girls around whizzing by me i'll ease up on myself... even though i 'train' on freshie night it's still hard being the suckiest of them all.... hence the want to get my skate feet on and find my confidence again...

got a lovely message from one of the higher upper derby dolls and she was great... very supportive and keen for me not to give up... that helped... sometimes you just need that push from the outside...

am really not sure how i went this week... my WW motivation seemed to have flittered out the window... double pooh though, i was SO close to my 10kgs lost..... we'll see though, WI tomorrow... meh... if it's a bad week so what... this is a lifestyle change and will take some getting used to... i'm getting there.. slowly but surely.. (much like my skating.. hehe)

ugh bad week... bad choices...

i'm not really sure what my problem has been this week... but as much as i'm trying i'm making some pretty shocking choices at the moment... ugh... not sure why... i AM counting points and everything is accounted for... i am using my exercise points to make up for it all but i'm struggling with the balance at the moment... it's crazy because i've been on SUCH a good roll and i don't want to jinx myself of sabotage myself but i feel myself doing exactly that slowly... ugh... tomorrow IS a new day and it will be good...

i think one of my problems is (and i'm not sure if i've posted this previously or not) but i've been overweight for so long and i'm so used to it that i don't know how to be successful at losing weight... once i get into the 120's it's going to be the smallest i've been in years... and that's sad... i WANT to be healthy and wear 'normal' clothes i just have to change my mindset from negative 'can't' to positive, each day at a time... i don't want a quick fix... i want a new lifestyle i just need to remind myself and my mind of that sometimes...

as a side note though... had a cold rock ice creamery date with a friend of mine this afternoon and whilst the ice cream was devine and COMPLETELY expensive (points wise) it was worth it and i enjoyed it and have counted it all in my daily allowance... WW is working for me but somehow i feel like because i can have treats every now and then that it should be ruining my results... i keep having to remind myself that the point of WW isn't deprivation but moderation....

and slowly... i'm turning myself around...

phew.. vent over! thanks.. ;)

derby girl

so i went to my first derby training session this week... although for me it was less derby training, more lets see if i can scoot around the rink without falling over... i'm pretty excited though... and watching the girls race around the way they do just makes me so keen about where i could go with this... it's even better knowing that some of the girls have only been doing it for the past 8 or so months!!!

even though i was only skating around the edge, i joined in with the warm up stretches and drills etc... only problem was that they were done on the ground, in the middle of the rink... lol so there i was teetering around the edge of the rink when they asked me to join them.. err ok... so i toddled in and then looked at them.. err how do i get down? didn't actually turn out to be such a problem but i tells ya, getting up off the ground is going to be the challenge and the one thing that is going to really prove that my legs need to toughen up!

had another good weigh in too, and lost 1.2kg this week.... first time EVER in any weight loss i've tried where my TOTM hadn't badly impacted my loses, fingers crossed i can keep the momentum because down is good... and i'm actually having fun doing it too.... here's to alternate ways to exercise and feel good!

xx

looking forward to starting something new...

well still losing, and even though i had such a topsy turvy week, with bubba being sick and me not really getting in the exercise i wanted, i still managed to lose .7, whupah! ;) so i reached my 5%... awesome! and just the motivation i needed to keep on trucking... it's not that i've lost motivation it's just that i'm struggling a bit at the moment to fit everything in... but i'm doing my best...

now to the something new... i've decided to try my hand at roller derby... lol and even though my last bout at the rink wasn't exactly mind blowingly awesome, i think that if these awesome ladies can help me find my skatin' feet again, this may be something REALLY good... skating is SUCH a phenomenal workout! and it's something that i find fun and easy to get motivated to do (when i CAN do it.. lol)... and i'm booked in for training on Tuesday... woohoo... i kinda think that once they teach me how to fall i'll get some kind of confidence about me... and the trick is to fall to the pads (all the padding is necessary in derby you see.. hehe) rather than elsewhere.. so wish me luck!

xx

hectic week... who knows what it will bring...

ugh... what a week... weather has been miserable... and my beautiful bubba girl turned one on Saturday... we had our girls birthday party but got rained out.. and even though there was lots of party food i managed to avoid most of it (during the party anyway) as i was busy preparing etc... but at the end when we were all wiped i damn near demolished half a plate of mars bar slice... ugh! it was one of those days, like Christmas, when you don't have dinner because you're just full up anyway...

then... my beautiful girl has come down with some kind of chest infection and she's pretty miserable and to be honest weight loss has really been the last of my concerns... so i'd definitely say i've fallen off the wheels in the past couple of days... but all i care about right now is my baby girl getting better... and then, when that's happened i can concentrate on me again...

i'm still trying to make good choices... and i've just got to ride through this because life gets in the way sometimes, but this is for life... this change and i wont... I WILL NOT let this week over power me and change my goals... i just have someone little who needs me lots at the moment..

xx

lil black rain cloud be-gone!

well WI was today and although i was not exactly confident, it seems that i'm learning the ropes and living within points, which is equalling success on the scales... another 1.2kgs down... phew...

i don't know why i'm stuck in a negative frame of mind... i guess it's hard to imagine myself as 'skinny' given that i've never really been that in my life... i've always been tall, 'big boned' etc etc... and i guess it's been the way i see myself, so success in weight loss just seems so foreign to me... but somehow, something is clicking this time... i'm beginning to think that maybe i can actually do it right this time!

after the awesome Demi-monster woke up from her afternoon nap i was kind of at a lose end... she's a bit too fidgety to read to at the moment, so i gave up part way through the book, but i really wanted to DO something... so i got us going and jumped into the car so we could head to the lake for a walk... it was lovely and i felt SO good for doing it... we may have only walked one lap today (usually i do three with Meags) but one lap of the lake is 1.4kms so certainly nothing to sneeze at... and knowing that i felt the need to do something, and didn't just sit at home and vege felt really good... i think the fact that i missed dance on Tuesday was a good motivator too... every first of the month (Tues) Benj has CFA stuff to do... and i really missed my Tuesday night dance session... REALLY looking forward to tomorrow night now.. it's nice to do something active, and know that you're also eating the right things to make all the hard work worth it...

week by week there's less of me to love... and this, is most definitely, a good thing! =)

xx

little black rain cloud...

hmmm... well it's arrived... you know the time? when you think it's all too hard... you're never going to be able to do it... and you just get down? i'm a REALLY hard person to be around at the moment... trying my hardest not to take it out on Benj, so really hoping that he doesn't mind giving me space.. (well trust me it's the better of the options...) i just feel deflated this week... and it's not that i've been really really bad... sure i've had some treats, but not over the top... had a birthday bbq and stayed well under points, i didn't even reach into the chip bags once! for me that's huge... so why am i feeling so bleh right now? i really don't know.. i WISH i had the answer...

WI is on Thursday, and regardless of the outcome i am going to plug on... it's not a quick fix.. time is what i need i just need to get over this hump of a mood... surely TTOM is near, otherwise egads, where's the medication?? nah... it's not that bad... just need to ride it out...

early night for me i think... =) hope everyone else is having a good week..