long time no write..

ugh.. the wagon... off, on. off, on etc etc... this past month or so has been just a roller coaster... with me losing focus and becoming complacent in the whole weight loss journey, well no more!

to start with i fell when skating and bruised my tailbone, which took me off skates for three weeks, which sucked and limited my movement quite dramatically.. but i have to say i'm happily back in skates and feeling the burn, the enjoyment and the exercise!

a new month, it's June now.... a new me... and a motivated me!

wish me luck

xx

new week... new start

ugh... have fallen off the tracking wagon and although i haven't been set back completed i'm not really seeing results because i'm not really following the program... and as my leader said this evening if you're sort of doing it... you'll sort of lose weight... which is what i'm doing... still losing but not enough and tracking HAS to be a part of that... well also not doing as much exercise as i was because i hurt my butt falling backwards at skating... =(

so although i'm loving skating SO much... i can't at the moment until my butt gets better as i really don't want to hurt it more... ugh... so this week my goal is to track properly... take control again rather than the floppy nonsense that i've let myself go along with... grrr... take control!

it's working out!

so the whole perseverence thing with skating has finally started to pay off... went for an afternoon session with my mates and i'm finally finding my skate feet... i zoomed, i glided.... and man did it feel good! i improved 100% over the 90 minute period and i worked hard... gotta love a bit of sweat! finally my derby dream is looking less imaginary and more probable!

now to get the whole food tracking back on... oopsie... ugh and school goes back tomorrow (for hubbi!, not for me.. hehe Tuesday for me).... gah! where did the last two weeks go?

xx

goal this week

looking back i know i was a bit of a bad girl... yes i did stick to my points, but there were WAY too many treat type foods in there... too much full strength coke... too many mini chocolates... ugh!!

so with easter coming up... this is going to be tricky...

but my goal this week is to have:-

 NO full strength coke... if i really need some go the zero or diet vanilla!

AND

limit of TWO small chocolate eggs during the whole easter period...

hopefully this will prove resourceful!

wish me luck!

;)

well poop

so i've maintained the same weight for two weeks in a row... grrr... it's not a gain which is good, and i know that, but damn! this week i did heaps more exercise than i had previously, and man do i feel it! i know this happens, and this is where i find my feet... push through it and keep going... i KNOW muscle weighs more than fat, and with what i've been doing my muscles are definitely getting a work out... so i'm looking at it that way... i haven't tracked measurements, but maybe i should start?

i'm definitely not giving up, heck no, but i'm just frustrated and venting my frustration here.. =)

on a positive note, went skating this arvo and am finally finding my skate feet... got away from the stompy kind of skating that i had been doing and actually felt myself gliding... my skates worked, i worked, everything just worked together! so very happy... every time i'm skating i'm getting better.. what out world, i'll be kicking it with some awesome derby moves soon... ;)

xx

egads what happened?

well had derby training last night... and lets just say it wasn't pretty... as in me... i sucked... even harder than i did the week before!! how is that possible? ugh... i don't know if i was just in an emotional state of mind or what the issue was but i just felt bleh... the whole night... i had no confidence in me and my skating was worse than before... =( pooh... i'm not giving up... i'm adamant that i'm going to be able to skate again but it just frustrates me that in my old age (lol) i've lost my youthful carefree nature (if i ever had that.. hmmm...?)

i'm still keen as mustard to keep going to training and keep getting better.. and i know if i quit now i'm going to feel really crap about the whole thing... i'm hoping to get a general skate in on Sunday afternoon, even though it's school holidays... i'm hoping that without the pressure of other Derby girls around whizzing by me i'll ease up on myself... even though i 'train' on freshie night it's still hard being the suckiest of them all.... hence the want to get my skate feet on and find my confidence again...

got a lovely message from one of the higher upper derby dolls and she was great... very supportive and keen for me not to give up... that helped... sometimes you just need that push from the outside...

am really not sure how i went this week... my WW motivation seemed to have flittered out the window... double pooh though, i was SO close to my 10kgs lost..... we'll see though, WI tomorrow... meh... if it's a bad week so what... this is a lifestyle change and will take some getting used to... i'm getting there.. slowly but surely.. (much like my skating.. hehe)

ugh bad week... bad choices...

i'm not really sure what my problem has been this week... but as much as i'm trying i'm making some pretty shocking choices at the moment... ugh... not sure why... i AM counting points and everything is accounted for... i am using my exercise points to make up for it all but i'm struggling with the balance at the moment... it's crazy because i've been on SUCH a good roll and i don't want to jinx myself of sabotage myself but i feel myself doing exactly that slowly... ugh... tomorrow IS a new day and it will be good...

i think one of my problems is (and i'm not sure if i've posted this previously or not) but i've been overweight for so long and i'm so used to it that i don't know how to be successful at losing weight... once i get into the 120's it's going to be the smallest i've been in years... and that's sad... i WANT to be healthy and wear 'normal' clothes i just have to change my mindset from negative 'can't' to positive, each day at a time... i don't want a quick fix... i want a new lifestyle i just need to remind myself and my mind of that sometimes...

as a side note though... had a cold rock ice creamery date with a friend of mine this afternoon and whilst the ice cream was devine and COMPLETELY expensive (points wise) it was worth it and i enjoyed it and have counted it all in my daily allowance... WW is working for me but somehow i feel like because i can have treats every now and then that it should be ruining my results... i keep having to remind myself that the point of WW isn't deprivation but moderation....

and slowly... i'm turning myself around...

phew.. vent over! thanks.. ;)

derby girl

so i went to my first derby training session this week... although for me it was less derby training, more lets see if i can scoot around the rink without falling over... i'm pretty excited though... and watching the girls race around the way they do just makes me so keen about where i could go with this... it's even better knowing that some of the girls have only been doing it for the past 8 or so months!!!

even though i was only skating around the edge, i joined in with the warm up stretches and drills etc... only problem was that they were done on the ground, in the middle of the rink... lol so there i was teetering around the edge of the rink when they asked me to join them.. err ok... so i toddled in and then looked at them.. err how do i get down? didn't actually turn out to be such a problem but i tells ya, getting up off the ground is going to be the challenge and the one thing that is going to really prove that my legs need to toughen up!

had another good weigh in too, and lost 1.2kg this week.... first time EVER in any weight loss i've tried where my TOTM hadn't badly impacted my loses, fingers crossed i can keep the momentum because down is good... and i'm actually having fun doing it too.... here's to alternate ways to exercise and feel good!

xx

looking forward to starting something new...

well still losing, and even though i had such a topsy turvy week, with bubba being sick and me not really getting in the exercise i wanted, i still managed to lose .7, whupah! ;) so i reached my 5%... awesome! and just the motivation i needed to keep on trucking... it's not that i've lost motivation it's just that i'm struggling a bit at the moment to fit everything in... but i'm doing my best...

now to the something new... i've decided to try my hand at roller derby... lol and even though my last bout at the rink wasn't exactly mind blowingly awesome, i think that if these awesome ladies can help me find my skatin' feet again, this may be something REALLY good... skating is SUCH a phenomenal workout! and it's something that i find fun and easy to get motivated to do (when i CAN do it.. lol)... and i'm booked in for training on Tuesday... woohoo... i kinda think that once they teach me how to fall i'll get some kind of confidence about me... and the trick is to fall to the pads (all the padding is necessary in derby you see.. hehe) rather than elsewhere.. so wish me luck!

xx

hectic week... who knows what it will bring...

ugh... what a week... weather has been miserable... and my beautiful bubba girl turned one on Saturday... we had our girls birthday party but got rained out.. and even though there was lots of party food i managed to avoid most of it (during the party anyway) as i was busy preparing etc... but at the end when we were all wiped i damn near demolished half a plate of mars bar slice... ugh! it was one of those days, like Christmas, when you don't have dinner because you're just full up anyway...

then... my beautiful girl has come down with some kind of chest infection and she's pretty miserable and to be honest weight loss has really been the last of my concerns... so i'd definitely say i've fallen off the wheels in the past couple of days... but all i care about right now is my baby girl getting better... and then, when that's happened i can concentrate on me again...

i'm still trying to make good choices... and i've just got to ride through this because life gets in the way sometimes, but this is for life... this change and i wont... I WILL NOT let this week over power me and change my goals... i just have someone little who needs me lots at the moment..

xx

lil black rain cloud be-gone!

well WI was today and although i was not exactly confident, it seems that i'm learning the ropes and living within points, which is equalling success on the scales... another 1.2kgs down... phew...

i don't know why i'm stuck in a negative frame of mind... i guess it's hard to imagine myself as 'skinny' given that i've never really been that in my life... i've always been tall, 'big boned' etc etc... and i guess it's been the way i see myself, so success in weight loss just seems so foreign to me... but somehow, something is clicking this time... i'm beginning to think that maybe i can actually do it right this time!

after the awesome Demi-monster woke up from her afternoon nap i was kind of at a lose end... she's a bit too fidgety to read to at the moment, so i gave up part way through the book, but i really wanted to DO something... so i got us going and jumped into the car so we could head to the lake for a walk... it was lovely and i felt SO good for doing it... we may have only walked one lap today (usually i do three with Meags) but one lap of the lake is 1.4kms so certainly nothing to sneeze at... and knowing that i felt the need to do something, and didn't just sit at home and vege felt really good... i think the fact that i missed dance on Tuesday was a good motivator too... every first of the month (Tues) Benj has CFA stuff to do... and i really missed my Tuesday night dance session... REALLY looking forward to tomorrow night now.. it's nice to do something active, and know that you're also eating the right things to make all the hard work worth it...

week by week there's less of me to love... and this, is most definitely, a good thing! =)

xx

little black rain cloud...

hmmm... well it's arrived... you know the time? when you think it's all too hard... you're never going to be able to do it... and you just get down? i'm a REALLY hard person to be around at the moment... trying my hardest not to take it out on Benj, so really hoping that he doesn't mind giving me space.. (well trust me it's the better of the options...) i just feel deflated this week... and it's not that i've been really really bad... sure i've had some treats, but not over the top... had a birthday bbq and stayed well under points, i didn't even reach into the chip bags once! for me that's huge... so why am i feeling so bleh right now? i really don't know.. i WISH i had the answer...

WI is on Thursday, and regardless of the outcome i am going to plug on... it's not a quick fix.. time is what i need i just need to get over this hump of a mood... surely TTOM is near, otherwise egads, where's the medication?? nah... it's not that bad... just need to ride it out...

early night for me i think... =) hope everyone else is having a good week..

a little while between posts..

well hello everyone out there in the blogsphere.. =) sorry i've been a bit MIA for a week or so... school is back so i've been a bit busy with working, looking after the beautiful bubba and managing the weight loss journey..

feeling good, feeling motivated (still! woo hoo...) and have managed to shed 5.8kgs off my frame so far... so YAY me... i think i'll get super excited when i hit my first 10kgs, because then i think i'll actually start SEEING the results... which is going to be ace!

have been a bit stressed lately, Demi turns one next week!!! (where did the time go?!?!) and we're planning her party, which will be great... but also having money issues, and i'm trying to make sure i don't blow out her party with crap food... i think i'll be fine, but it's better to plan these things out... ugh, don't you hate money though? we eat, we survive and by eating healthier and not buying take out as much we're saving money... so it's not such a biggie...

am anxiously waiting for TTOM ugh... and have a feeling it's coming this week (of all weeks)... in the past i usually gain around TTOM just because of water retention etc so if i do... cest le vie! next week will be awesome...

hope you're all going well in your journey's..

xx

Weigh-in / eTools online

so yay! i lost another 1.1kgs this week taking my total weight loss to date up to 5.2kgs.... very happy as i know i have been good with tracking, and i have been allowing myself little treats along the way in the hope to avoid a big blowout and therefore find it harder to find my feet again..

so here i am... all chuffed about the effort to date.. when i put in my stats on my eTools online to be told that 'you're losing weight too fast and should consult a doctor'..... hmmmm... i've only lost 100 or so grams over the recommended 1kg range since beginning, and i took a week out because i was sick... whilst i love having the convenience of the eTools i don't particularly appreciate having a computer generated message telling me i'm not doing the right thing... i have A LOT of weight to lose and i don't think anything to date has been OTT.. it's not Biggest Loser loses, but i'm happy i worked for it and i'm going to embrace it... ugh it's either be made to feel guilty cos you're too big, or then have a computer tell you to slow down... meh..

rant over..

heh.. sorry... i am very happy to be over 5kgs lost though... and come on computer.. it's been over 5 weeks... grr technology!

hope every is doing well also!

xx

ah... dancing makes me happy... =)

ah dance class was just awesome.. =) it's great to have friends you can goof around with, learn to dance with and just support you... we had good times tonight... good times... heh..

it was really funny though... Meags asked me today how much weight i was hoping to lose, i told her roughly 54kgs... she almost fell over.. lol i guess my height has really camo'd my actual size and honestly even i don't get the gravity of the situation until i stand on the scales and hear the numbers... it's so weird to know that i have to lose a whole person.. and that's what Meags said... and when i got home i well telling my hubbi about the conversation and told him the number and he was like 'honey, that sounds like a lot.' as if i was going down to a silly number.... the ironic thing though is 54kgs gets me down to about 90kg, which is still not within my 'healthy body range'.... ah well... numbers, numbers everywhere.. the most important thing for me is to not get side tracked by numbers, yes they are important and i want them to go down, but there are other things that are important in this journey too... i can't get caught up in numbers...

anyway.. really looking forward to having a sleep in tomorrow.. and then radio from 1pm.. woo... =) love it..

xx

Weigh In Day

weigh in day is always a bit iffy for me... regardless of how much work i've put in, or not put in... i still get nervous about the results... i don't own scales at home for a very good reason... i don't want to be a slave to numbers, i know they are important and a good sign of progress, but i know how easy it could be to weigh every day feel good, or bad, depending on the result and maybe blow the week... so i choose to not give in to temptation...

anyway... WI was today... and after my illness last week and the NWP i am happy to report that i lost another 1.2kgs... YAY!! bringing my grand total to date of 4.1kgs lost! phew... it's been easy so far... in comparison to how it was last time... and my worst thing so far is getting in my right exercise... looking forward to dance class tomorrow... and roller skating on Sunday.... and i'm just so excited... new week, new focus.... =)

away from WI man today was a stinker... it was overcast all day but SO steamy! we've just had such strange weather in Bendigo this week that i'm used to the heat and sun, but not this overcast shenanigans... ugh... did all of our grocery shopping and unloading the car and unpacking it was a workout in itself! especially in this heat... i was sweating let me tell you! i'm happy now that the pantry/freezer/fridge are all full of nice healthy options and lets see how this week pans out..

good luck everyone!

xx

hmmm maybe not

just had the biggest down pour RIGHT when i was about to leave for dancing.... the roads were covered with water at least mid calf deep... and bubby woke up a bit distressed from the sound... so it all equalled no dancing for me.. =( i know it was safer for me to stay at home but man i was super dooper psyched for it... oh well... Friday then! heh

Hurdle #1

i like chocolate.... scrap that, i like sweet things.... hmmm and the nasty savoury things.... the biggest challenge i find, and always have found with any weight loss journey i've been on... is to not say 'well i've done exercise now i can do what i want'..... i used to do this and well obviously it didn't work... i know exercise gets me bonus points, and at my weight i get quite a few points for what i am doing (because even though i am big, i am quite fit and can do pretty much anything)... i remember back when i was on JC i would go to the gym for a workout, feel great and grab a couple of potato cakes for my drive home... UGH! why can't i stop this self sabotaging behaviour?!? nothing so far on this journey has been as bad... and when i have over indulged i've done my best to work it off with some exercise and make sure the next few days were immactulate... i'm just scared... when i have so much weight to lose i can get side tracked... worried about the big number ahead rather than pace myself and be glad for every little loss.... i really don't want to screw this up this time... hence the reason why i'm posting this.... i NEED to be held accountable... to know that someone out there is reading this and making me take responsibility for my life and choices...

i haven't had a huge blow out... i bought a fun sized milky way bag my last big shop.. (which was Thursday fortnight ago) and i only just finished them.... i was able to make them last... but today i had two, (the other day i had four... UGH!!!!!) i don't want to deprive myself because i know it'll just make for a bigger blow out... but i want to be sensible... hmmm.... ugh... at least i've vocalised it... phew!

gotta dash and get ready for my dance class! it may be thundering outside but dammit i need to dance!

xx

Weekend musings...

another weekend down... and i've almost been doing the ww dance for a month.. =) surprisingly, other than counting points, i haven't really felt like i'm missing out on anything... i've been able to live my life as usual and instead of blowing a whole day... working around life... which i guess is the biggest challenge..

went out for breakfast with my friends this morning, and i just worked it into my week... after my dancing class i had some bonus points up my sleeve so it was nice to get out and have some nice food but know that i'm within range.. =)

Benj, Demi and i had a lovely afternoon... we took Demi swimming at the local pool... well when i saw swimming, she's only 11 mths old so it was more splashing.. lol and i actually did swim... i haven't actually swam for AGES, but i did make it, without drowning and i completed 2 full laps of the 50 m pool... man i did NOT get how much you work when you swim... and i sooo took it for granted when i was younger and could cut laps with the rest of them! i think i'm going to try to do some more swimming... slow and steady.. a week of two laps.. then three and so forth... gotta get my fitness up with fun activities that i enjoy.. and the whole family can come... Benj just looks after Demi when i do laps... lovely.. =)

now just waiting for dinner to cook... hmmm am a bit hungry now... funny that.. ;)

xx

Dancing Queen.... (a bit older than 17 tho.. hehe)

phew... well i have attended, and survived, my first dancing class... and boy oh boy was it fun... before i knew it i was nicely slick with sweat (i know that's not the best visual image, but it was a great feeling)... without knowing it i was moving, exercising and really enjoying it... SUCH a nice feeling, i love exercise that doesn't really feel like exercise and without even realising it the hour was almost over and class was done.... i'm really looking forward to getting the steps down and i'm determined to do this twice a week as part of my regular exercise ritual... oh and the songs we're learning the chorey (hehe so SYTTCD) for are kinda cool  (although not my personal style of music), and very easy to dance to...

have also pretty much keyed up rollerskating for tomorrow... so sickness be gone! i'm back!

oh and on a side note, although not really a side note as it's an important note... i had my school swimming sports today.. and although they provided a free sausage sizzle (full of fatty snags)... i went the better option and got myself a fresh ham and salad roll and felt heaps better for it... also it was another important step for me in solidifying the fact that this whole lifestyle change is my choice... i had the points for the sausages if i wanted them... but i knew it wasn't really the way i wanted to go... and also not having the snags meant i got to have one of my WW yummo ice cream sundae things... awesome for a relaxing friday night after dancing.. =) ah, looking forward to the weekend... time for a bit of r and r..

xx